- Local time
- 4:33 PM
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2022
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 1
I got banned, and after reading Iceskater's post on the ban list, that's pretty unsurprising. I would've banned myself if I were in Iceskater's position as well. It was pretty embarrassing to read through behavior I exhibited in the chat log. Though, as Iceskater mentioned, some of it involved arguments with others, including admins, on the server, it's still pretty inexcusable. So I guess I should start by saying that this post isn't necessarily an appeal to my ban. Like, if I get welcomed back to the server in any capacity, great, but I can also understand sticking with the ban.
That being said, I'd like to give some more context for my (still inexcusable) behavior, because, mostly, I wasn't really aware I could take my issues with the HELLO Desert Combat server to anyone but Bangbangow.
This all started a couple years back, before I'd even played, maybe at all(?) on the HELLO server. Bang and I played a lot together on the EA117 server, and after a while we even became chat buddies on Discord, and then Whatsapp. Sharing about life, and, of course, Desert Combat. Some of our conversations centered around Bang's frustrations with the EA117 mod's for not implementing his custom client-side map mods. He was adamant this was due to their shortcoming as mods, and that his expectation for them to incorporate the mods was realistic. Even though this seemed a bit arrogant, I didn't think much of it back then...but looking back it was sort of a "bookmark," you could say.
Fast forward through Bang making server side mods for EA117 instead (or maybe at the same time?) of client side mods. Those got incorporated, and he also started organizing occasional "fill the server" events where he canvassed players from both online and in his IRL to get more people on the server. It was in these times that I started to get more of an impression of Bang. For one, whenever anyone had a critical response to one of his maps, he'd dismiss their opinion, and then, often, ridicule them privately to me in chat. He also went to great lengths, mostly privately with me, to emphasize how much he was doing for the server ("More than some of the mods") with his maps and his fill-the-server events, and he'd reiterate why that only went to prove that the admins were wrong in their decision not to incorporate his client side maps.
Throughout all of this, I gave Bang my honest opinion. It made sense to me that the mods wouldn't want to force people to download his client side maps, and risk the already unstable EA117 server population from getting lowered even more. He dismissed that. I also said that their retort to his request to have custom-map nights - which was that they thought this, too, would jeopardize the already shaky EA117 population - made sense to me. He dismissed this as well. I also told him how he was coming off as arrogant and self important for taking so much credit for his events and maps. Dismissed as well.
At one point Bang also started using racially motivated insults with some people on the in-game server chat, which I brought to the attention of the admins on the server on a forum post. I'm not sure if he ever publicly apologized or took responsibility for that, but he did lash out to me in private message with cuss laden insults. Another bookmark.
Regardless, we still remained "online friends," and kept chatting, thankfully about other things than just his maps and frustrations with the EA117 leadership.
Then, I don't know when, maybe six months ago, something happened behind the scenes where Bang requested to become an EA admin and was denied. In light of all of the above, I wasn't really surprised. In my time playing on EA117, I experienced that server to be the most well-run and reasonably-operated server I've every played on in any online game. There was no admins getting emotional and banning someone spur of the moment. And while bad behavior was dealt with, it was dealt with only after considering all the options and the context of what was happening. I also had a lot of good interactions with the server admins, including support for me while my young toddler was going through cancer. We all also all got together to celebrate the life and death of one of our fellow server-mates. So, like I said, not very surprising when Bang, who -while he had indeed done a lot for the server, seemed also to be pretty quick to anger, entitled, and reluctant to take any sort of critical feedback or take responsibility for mistakes - was not welcomed into their, in my experience, very emotionally mature admin team.
It wasn't long until Bang, in private, told me he planned to destroy the server by creating his own DC server and populating it so that the EA admins could, I quote, "enjoy their empty server." When I protested that I actually really liked EA117 and would hate to lose it, and that I could also understand why they wouldn't want him to admin with his history, again, I was dismissed and mocked. He privately went through a list of all the admins that he thought he was a better admin than. I tried to warn him as gently as possible that things often don't turn out well when I do them out of bitterness (ah! I should've taken my own advice huh?)
Regardless, I still stayed online friends with Bang.
Fast forward again. Two things happen. One, Maxnet disappeared because of the Ukraine war. And around the same time, I (perhaps foolishly) invited Bang to join the Whatsapp group for the -TmP- No Rulez DC server. Bang proceeds to ask the admin there to merge onto the HELLO server, and when that doesn't happen, uses the forum to recruit players for his server.
I think it was around a couple months ago that Bang finally got his wish. He'd send me private messages gloating that his server had X amount of players, while EA117 (at it's peak time) had little to none. When I would occasionally go in EA117 to play, often with the one or two admins in there, he'd mock me in private and group chats.
Still I stayed online friends with Bang. What's more, he invited me to some Discord group of "the good players" of DC, where, also, he would mock EA117, the admins, and me for playing there.
For a long time I avoided playing on HELLO server because of my frustration with this situation, and when I eventually did, I was disappointed. Sure, the map mods weren't as much to my liking as EA117's for the most part (EA117's nas is chef's kiss, but Bang's coastal variant is a lot of fun, too.) And yes, that there was a constant AFK in there that we weren't even allowed to kick to adjust for team balancing, was also annoying. But I did enjoy playing there. What pissed me off, was that not only was the popularity of this server largely inspired by what I saw as a tantrum ("Give me admin or I'll destroy your server because I'm so important and I refuse to take criticism,")...not only that...but now that Bang was an admin of the HELLO Dc server, whenever I went to him with issues (for example, Crash getting a hate boner for and TKing me) he would punt responsibility back to me. "Play on different teams." Which, besides the fact that that's pretty laughable advice considering the auto-team balance and afk situation, was, in my experience, a reminder of the stark difference in maturity between admin teams. EA117 had a whole team communicating together and working WITH the players to help things go smoothly...meanwhile on HELLO server, Bang I don't think ever once told me that I could actually go anywhere to make a complaint or follow up with things.
It was at some point during this time that I stopped communicating with Bang privately. Even though I did enjoy playful banter with him, and coordinating on when Nas was playing on the HELLO server, the reminder of what had happened between the two servers, and Bang's continued abusive rhetoric towards anyone who challenged him just felt...bad. I didn't need that in my life.
Me playing on HELLO and badmouthing Bang to other players, and changing my name to HELLO=EA117+afks+bad mods was, mostly, me just giving up. I felt helpless, like there was nothing I could do. Like justice would never be served, so why not just be a troll. Like I said, earlier, not following my own advice, and not trying hard enough to find a better solution and other responsible admins. But that's what I did. But now that I'm aware that there is another HELLO entity that, beyond Bang, I wanted to put this story out there. Regardless of my ban status. In all my time on the HELLO server, and associated Discords, I mostly experienced HELLO participating in the same bad-mouthing of EA and disrespectful behavior as Bang.
I've had experiences with people in my life who are like Bang - who have a much harder time taking criticism (if they even can at all) and resort to defensiveness, self-salesmanship, and not only dismissing other people's problems with them, but turning it around and making it the other person's fault. In my experience, some of these people often have a fundamental inability to change, and it's instead the responsibility of those around them to put up boundaries to limit the hurt they can cause.
In closing, sorry for letting my bitterness sour the HELLO server. I could have myself looked into how to find this site and take my concerns (mostly re: Bang's vindictiveness, but also his admin'ing and the HELLO server setup) here, instead of venting it in unproductive and abusive ways in the server. I should also say that, I think partly because I felt like the HELLO server had no real admins there, I allowed myself to type things I never would've typed in the EA117 server, which is again clearly not an excuse for me to have done so. But at the same time, considering my history with Bang, I guess this might make a bit more sense for people, and hopefully not making me seem like someone who has as little integrity as the chat logs might make me appear.
Thanks for reading,
Best,
Blink
That being said, I'd like to give some more context for my (still inexcusable) behavior, because, mostly, I wasn't really aware I could take my issues with the HELLO Desert Combat server to anyone but Bangbangow.
This all started a couple years back, before I'd even played, maybe at all(?) on the HELLO server. Bang and I played a lot together on the EA117 server, and after a while we even became chat buddies on Discord, and then Whatsapp. Sharing about life, and, of course, Desert Combat. Some of our conversations centered around Bang's frustrations with the EA117 mod's for not implementing his custom client-side map mods. He was adamant this was due to their shortcoming as mods, and that his expectation for them to incorporate the mods was realistic. Even though this seemed a bit arrogant, I didn't think much of it back then...but looking back it was sort of a "bookmark," you could say.
Fast forward through Bang making server side mods for EA117 instead (or maybe at the same time?) of client side mods. Those got incorporated, and he also started organizing occasional "fill the server" events where he canvassed players from both online and in his IRL to get more people on the server. It was in these times that I started to get more of an impression of Bang. For one, whenever anyone had a critical response to one of his maps, he'd dismiss their opinion, and then, often, ridicule them privately to me in chat. He also went to great lengths, mostly privately with me, to emphasize how much he was doing for the server ("More than some of the mods") with his maps and his fill-the-server events, and he'd reiterate why that only went to prove that the admins were wrong in their decision not to incorporate his client side maps.
Throughout all of this, I gave Bang my honest opinion. It made sense to me that the mods wouldn't want to force people to download his client side maps, and risk the already unstable EA117 server population from getting lowered even more. He dismissed that. I also said that their retort to his request to have custom-map nights - which was that they thought this, too, would jeopardize the already shaky EA117 population - made sense to me. He dismissed this as well. I also told him how he was coming off as arrogant and self important for taking so much credit for his events and maps. Dismissed as well.
At one point Bang also started using racially motivated insults with some people on the in-game server chat, which I brought to the attention of the admins on the server on a forum post. I'm not sure if he ever publicly apologized or took responsibility for that, but he did lash out to me in private message with cuss laden insults. Another bookmark.
Regardless, we still remained "online friends," and kept chatting, thankfully about other things than just his maps and frustrations with the EA117 leadership.
Then, I don't know when, maybe six months ago, something happened behind the scenes where Bang requested to become an EA admin and was denied. In light of all of the above, I wasn't really surprised. In my time playing on EA117, I experienced that server to be the most well-run and reasonably-operated server I've every played on in any online game. There was no admins getting emotional and banning someone spur of the moment. And while bad behavior was dealt with, it was dealt with only after considering all the options and the context of what was happening. I also had a lot of good interactions with the server admins, including support for me while my young toddler was going through cancer. We all also all got together to celebrate the life and death of one of our fellow server-mates. So, like I said, not very surprising when Bang, who -while he had indeed done a lot for the server, seemed also to be pretty quick to anger, entitled, and reluctant to take any sort of critical feedback or take responsibility for mistakes - was not welcomed into their, in my experience, very emotionally mature admin team.
It wasn't long until Bang, in private, told me he planned to destroy the server by creating his own DC server and populating it so that the EA admins could, I quote, "enjoy their empty server." When I protested that I actually really liked EA117 and would hate to lose it, and that I could also understand why they wouldn't want him to admin with his history, again, I was dismissed and mocked. He privately went through a list of all the admins that he thought he was a better admin than. I tried to warn him as gently as possible that things often don't turn out well when I do them out of bitterness (ah! I should've taken my own advice huh?)
Regardless, I still stayed online friends with Bang.
Fast forward again. Two things happen. One, Maxnet disappeared because of the Ukraine war. And around the same time, I (perhaps foolishly) invited Bang to join the Whatsapp group for the -TmP- No Rulez DC server. Bang proceeds to ask the admin there to merge onto the HELLO server, and when that doesn't happen, uses the forum to recruit players for his server.
I think it was around a couple months ago that Bang finally got his wish. He'd send me private messages gloating that his server had X amount of players, while EA117 (at it's peak time) had little to none. When I would occasionally go in EA117 to play, often with the one or two admins in there, he'd mock me in private and group chats.
Still I stayed online friends with Bang. What's more, he invited me to some Discord group of "the good players" of DC, where, also, he would mock EA117, the admins, and me for playing there.
For a long time I avoided playing on HELLO server because of my frustration with this situation, and when I eventually did, I was disappointed. Sure, the map mods weren't as much to my liking as EA117's for the most part (EA117's nas is chef's kiss, but Bang's coastal variant is a lot of fun, too.) And yes, that there was a constant AFK in there that we weren't even allowed to kick to adjust for team balancing, was also annoying. But I did enjoy playing there. What pissed me off, was that not only was the popularity of this server largely inspired by what I saw as a tantrum ("Give me admin or I'll destroy your server because I'm so important and I refuse to take criticism,")...not only that...but now that Bang was an admin of the HELLO Dc server, whenever I went to him with issues (for example, Crash getting a hate boner for and TKing me) he would punt responsibility back to me. "Play on different teams." Which, besides the fact that that's pretty laughable advice considering the auto-team balance and afk situation, was, in my experience, a reminder of the stark difference in maturity between admin teams. EA117 had a whole team communicating together and working WITH the players to help things go smoothly...meanwhile on HELLO server, Bang I don't think ever once told me that I could actually go anywhere to make a complaint or follow up with things.
It was at some point during this time that I stopped communicating with Bang privately. Even though I did enjoy playful banter with him, and coordinating on when Nas was playing on the HELLO server, the reminder of what had happened between the two servers, and Bang's continued abusive rhetoric towards anyone who challenged him just felt...bad. I didn't need that in my life.
Me playing on HELLO and badmouthing Bang to other players, and changing my name to HELLO=EA117+afks+bad mods was, mostly, me just giving up. I felt helpless, like there was nothing I could do. Like justice would never be served, so why not just be a troll. Like I said, earlier, not following my own advice, and not trying hard enough to find a better solution and other responsible admins. But that's what I did. But now that I'm aware that there is another HELLO entity that, beyond Bang, I wanted to put this story out there. Regardless of my ban status. In all my time on the HELLO server, and associated Discords, I mostly experienced HELLO participating in the same bad-mouthing of EA and disrespectful behavior as Bang.
I've had experiences with people in my life who are like Bang - who have a much harder time taking criticism (if they even can at all) and resort to defensiveness, self-salesmanship, and not only dismissing other people's problems with them, but turning it around and making it the other person's fault. In my experience, some of these people often have a fundamental inability to change, and it's instead the responsibility of those around them to put up boundaries to limit the hurt they can cause.
In closing, sorry for letting my bitterness sour the HELLO server. I could have myself looked into how to find this site and take my concerns (mostly re: Bang's vindictiveness, but also his admin'ing and the HELLO server setup) here, instead of venting it in unproductive and abusive ways in the server. I should also say that, I think partly because I felt like the HELLO server had no real admins there, I allowed myself to type things I never would've typed in the EA117 server, which is again clearly not an excuse for me to have done so. But at the same time, considering my history with Bang, I guess this might make a bit more sense for people, and hopefully not making me seem like someone who has as little integrity as the chat logs might make me appear.
Thanks for reading,
Best,
Blink
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